1.  Houston Nutt says Ole Miss still has a long way to go in preseason camp.

2.  This writer wonders why UM is planning to add seats at Vaught-Hemingway Stadium when it’s not currently filling its existing seats.

3.  Dan Mullen says his offense has been lazy and “pathetic” in recent practices.

4.  Florida is still working to develop a pass rush.

5.  Georgia linebacker signee Kent Turene is going to Fork Union Military Academy to get his grades up.

6.  The young guns on UGA’s offensive line are starting to feel some pressure.

7.  Placekicker Blair Walsh wants to go out in style.

8.  A number of SEC teams might have to use multi-quarterback systems this year.

9.  ESPN.com’s Mark Schlabach says Alabama’s come-from-ahead loss to Auburn in the Iron Bowl is motivating the Crimson Tide.

If you read this site with any regularity, you know I’m not the world’s biggest Twitter fan.  And you’ve probably also picked up on the fact that I’m not a real fan of trash talkers, either.

So when you see trash talking on Twitter, it’s probably a safe bet that I’m sitting behind my keyboard rolling my eyes at the goings-on.

Enter Auburn quarterback commitment Zeke Pike.  It seems the Kentucky native is already marching in step with the many AU and UA backers who believe the best part of the Iron Bowl rivalry is the ugly, non-stop name-calling and barb-tossing.

A sample of some of Pike’s recent Twitter battles with Crimson Tide fans:

“I can tell you’re an Alabama fan cause you have no educational skills.  It’s FAMILY not fambly . . . Something only AU knows about.”

“nothing better than knowing I’m gonna play for the best program in the country.  It’s better gaining bama haters much love for you!”

“I knew I was suppose to be an Auburn Tiger when I stepped on Alabama’s campus and hated everything”

“Can I get directions to Ttown menswear?  I heard there’s some cool stuff there?”

Now who doesn’t look forward to having this cocky blowhard in the SEC?

(Sidenote — Before some Auburn fan screams that I must be a “Bammer,” please remember that you would be the one disgusted by such actions if Pike were a Tide commit blasting Auburn.  I don’t care who he plays for, the kid’s parents should take his Twitter away.)

1.  Alabama linebacker Dont’a Hightower says he’s ready to play ball.

2.  Which true freshman could help at Auburn?

3.  Arkansas was remarkably consistent in 2010.

4.  Les Miles was “loose and relaxed” meeting with LSU fans yesterday.

5.  This writer says that if Joe Alleva were doing a bad job as AD, LSU officials would have let him leave for Tennessee.

6.  ESPN will produce and air a documentary about the Iron Bowl. 

For the past three years, we’ve brought you post-Media Days grades for each of the SEC’s 12 coaches.  For kicks, we grade each on

1.  Personality — Is he friendly?  Or does he seem combative or condescending?

2.  Speaking Skill — Is he boring or entertaining?  Was he interesting?

3.  Honesty – Is he evasive?  Does he answer questions or redirect them?

We use a 1-5 scale in each category.  Below are this year’s scores:

Hardly scientific, I know.  I’m guessing the fans of each school though their guy was a 15.  And that’s fine.

But I’m typing away trying to follow their answers.  I only care if they’re interesting or boring, honest or evasive.

Here’s the breakdown:

Steve Spurrier — Funny what winning will do.  Last summer Spurrier was lifeless.  This time around he was upbeat, funny, not afraid to disagree with the commissioner’s proposal.  He had more than one good line.  And he wasn’t snippy with anyone.  The Ol’ Ball Coach is back and better than ever (’cause he wasn’t snippy with anyone).

James Franklin — It was easy to see why Franklin has been winning fans and recruits over.  The guy is sharp.  He’s focused.  He was the best first-time coach I’ve seen run the Media Days gauntlet.  In the end, I was left wanting to hear more.

Derek Dooley and Mark Richt — Dooley got a boost in the honest category because he didn’t dance around many topics.  He’s an entertaining speaker and he’s intelligent.  Richt once again got a top grade for personality.  The guy would be the best neighbor ever.  Richt danced around the hot seat question just a bit.

Dan Mullen – In his third year, Mullen seemed more comfortable than ever.  But the guy can take a 10-word question and turn it into a 500-word answer.  He’s also a fast-talker in Seinfeld-ese.

Les Miles, Will Muschamp, Houston Nutt, Bobby Petrino, and Nick Saban — Miles was friendlier than normal but he still has a tendency to ramble around.  It’s better to hear him than to read a transcript of him.  Muschamp wasn’t ugly, but he wasn’t the warmest guy either.  There’s a bit of Saban in him.  Saban took some shots at the media and let his guard down only once.  But his answers regarding the Iron Bowl rivalry were perfect.  Nutt was himself.  Part coach, part evangelist, part used car salesman.  He was friendly, but he redirected one MSU question after another.  Petrino was more affable than he usually gets credit for being.  But he’s got a monotone voice that prevents him from being a real good listen.

Gene Chizik and Joker Phillips — He might have had good reason to be a block of ice, but Chizik showed little warmth.  He also must do a much better job in living rooms and locker rooms than he does behind a podium.  Pretty bland speaker.  But we’ll credit him for not losing his composure while dancing around NCAA questions.  Phillips seems like a very likeable fellow.  He’s just not much of a public speaker.  I didn’t mourn his exit from the stage.

1. The Vols meet the NCAA – the focus is on Bruce Pearl and Lane Kiffin.

2. Pearl on Tennessee’s day before the NCAA infractions committee: “I think they’ve got a very accurate view of the case. Now we’ll wait for their decisions.”

3. John Adams: “As the NCAA plods along, the damages accumulate in its wake.” Fans react. Description of the day – awkward.

4. Houston Nutt and Dan Mullen on adapting to the new signing rules.

5. Isaiah Crowell on the expectations of being Georgia’s next football superstar and getting advice from Hershel Walker.

6. Setting the record straight on Auburn fans reaction to the death of Bear Bryant.

7. Kevin Scarbinsky: (A)  majority would say that the best coach in college football does indeed live in the state of Alabama. He just lives a lot closer to the Mississippi bor­der than he does to the Georgia state line.

8. Will the Iron Bowl armistice last?

9. A lot of questions get raised when you start talking about paying athletes.

10. Ron Higgins: “The bottom line is this issue can no longer be dismissed with a laugh and the wave of a hand. It eventually needs to happen in some shape or form.”

11. The super six of college football coaches.

12. Kentucky signee Marquis Teague is going to have an impact. That’s not unusual for a John Calipari point guard.

13. A look at other Kentucky signees – Kyle Wiltjer, Anthony Davis, Michael Gilchrist and the projected roster next season.

14. Top five basketball recruiting classes over the last five years.

15. Top UK targets for 2012.

16. The NCAA and Kentucky don’t agree on Calipari’s career victories.

17. The answer: As much as Dick Vitale, Joe Paterno, Eric Clapton and Johnny Knoxville. The question?  How well known is Tim Tebow?

18. The Japanese apparently can’t get enough of SEC football.

Extra:

19. One reporter, six sporting events, 24 hours.

A natural disaster can bring everyone together, right?  Right?

Well, not everyone.  Especially when you’re talking about a natural disaster that took place on the campus of one of the school’s involved in the over-the-top hatefest known as the Iron Bowl rivalry.

CBSSports.com’s Gregg Doyel penned a piece earlier this week in which he said he’d like to see Alabama’s football team go on a post-tornado run just as the New Orleans Saints went on a post-Katrina Super Bowl run.  In his view, Bama is the biggest dog in the state, so some Tide wins this fall would make everyone feel a bit better.  It would help bring some joy to people who are currently going through a lot of pain.

Naturally, a few Auburn chuckleheads — as well as some bozos from other parts of the country — took issue with him for trying to write something nice about Alabama.  He includes some of those folks’ comments in his weekly review of his hate mail.

Someone named Robert Burton sent him this one:


I’m sorry for the loss of life.  I have two relatives who were in Tuscaloosa at the time.  Your column was written from one perspective: your football team.  So I give you the following to think about.  The trees at Toomers Corner killed by the Alabama fan who poisoned them?  Well, look around — you now have no trees.  Maybe God was trying to send you fanatics a message: I am an Auburn fan, do not mess with My trees.


The bad grammar and punctuation belong to the emailer’s.  (Usually it belongs to me.)  Doyel is actually a Florida grad, but anytime someone writes something positive about School X, many dimwits assume the writer loves School X.  Dimwits like Robert Burton, apparently.

Someone named Larry sent in this one:


First, bringing football into the same conversation as the devastation from the tornados is a terrible thing to do.  Second, Auburn has 24,000 students, only slightly less than Alabama’s 28,000 — so I don’t think one university affects the psyche of the state significantly different from the other.  I think you have to apologies that are due.


Doyel — who we usually find abrasive and obnoxious — replied with the appropriate amount of abrasiveness and obnoxiousness:


You’re right, Larry.  Here’s the first one: I’m sorry you’re so stupid.  And for my second apology… I’m sorry you’re so stupid.


It should be noted — and we have noted it previously — that many folks from Auburn University as well as AU fans from across the state of Alabama have helped in the relief efforts in Tuscaloosa.  The vast, vast majority associated with Auburn understand that life is actually a bit bigger than football.

But these two kooks show that nothing can fully cool the Iron Bowl rivalry.  Absolutely nothing.  Death and destruction take a backseat to Bama-Auburn in the eyes of some folks.  (And, yep, you’d have some Tide fans acting just as stupidly if tornadoes had hit The Plains.)

Too bad the many, many sensible UA and AU fans can’t completely drown out the nimrods in their ranks.  Because folks like these and the Harvey Updykes of the world are giving both schools a bad name.

Alleged tree-poisoner and alleged assault victim Harvey Updyke made an appearance on the Paul Finebaum radio show yesterday afternoon.  With his attorney in the studio with the host, Updyke phoned in and answered questions about his initial call to Finebaum, his alleged involvement in the poisoning of Auburn’s oaks at Toomer’s Corner, and the attack he alleges befell him on Wednesday.

On the show, Updyke admitted to being “Al from Dadeville,” the caller who in February announced on Finebaum’s show that he had poisoned the trees at Toomer’s Corner.  Updyke — and his attorney tried to make sure of this by interrupting his client — never admitted to actually poisoning the trees.

Apparently we’re to believe that he just happened to call in with knowledge of the exact poison that was actually used… before anyone knew the trees had even been poisoned.  Uh, yeah.

For the guts of the story, turn here to Evan Woodberry’s report for al.com.  In it you’ll find that while Updyke apologized to the University of Alabama for causing the school troubles with his phone call he did not get around to apologizing to Auburn. 

To Auburn: “If I was in Auburn’s place, I would be upset, too.”

To Alabama: “I have hurt the University of Alabama and that’s the last thing I want to do.  I am an Alabama fan.  I’m not apologizing for that… I apologize for what I’ve done to the university.

He even ended his interview with a “Roll Damn Tide.” 

You can find a partial transcript here at Finebaum.com.


One last point — during the interview Updyke said that he has lived in Texas for most of his adult life but that there’s nothing in that state — Texas versus Texas A&M, for example — that comes close to the Iron Bowl rivalry in terms of heated passions.  “There’s nothing like this in Texas,” he said.

Indeed, there’s nothing like this anywhere else in college sports. 

The Iron Bowl rivalry — thanks to a number of fringe element fans — has become a punchline in American sports.  It’s a shame that normal, well-adjusted AU and UA fans are given a bad name by tree-poisoners, conspiracy theorists, finger-pointers, and angry, ranting callers to Finebaum’s nationally-syndicated radio show.  But it’s happened.  It continues to happen everyday.

When it comes to many fans across the country, the face of the Iron Bowl rivalry is now Harvey Updyke.

Just think about that.

Anybody else tired of all the Harvey Updyke nonsense coming out of Alabama?  I am.   

For that matter — right about now — I’m tired of the entire Iron Bowl rivalry in general.  Since the game was played last year, can you think of a single positive story or even mention of the rivalry?  It’s all been allegations, accusations, innuendos, threats, insults, a human-on-tree attack, and now, maybe, a human-on-human attack.

So rather than write something that the fringe-element fans — who are ruining a once-great rivalry — would surely find insulting, I’m just going to link you to someone else’s update.

SportsByBrooks.com has cobbled together the comments from the only reporter who spoke with Updyke post-attack yesterday.

Enjoy. 

I’ll be dreaming of a day when we can all just talk about football and basketball again.

(And, yeah, I know Updyke is schedule to speak this afternoon.  Which means it won’t be long until we’re dragged back into this mess.)

This one occurred yesterday afternoon, but we left it for the AM just to see if anything developed over night.  Here’s the gist:

Alleged Toomer’s Corner tree-poisoner Harvey Updyke appeared in court yesterday.  After waiving his right to a preliminary hearing, the Bama fan left the courtroom and stopped into a gas station called the Tiger Express in Opelika, just down the road from Auburn.

Updyke claims he was “assaulted by one or more people.”  His attorney told radio host Paul Finebaum: “Before he could get out of the car, it went black.  He woke up on the ground next to the gas pump at the gas station.  The clerk had called the Opelika police and the Opelika police responded.”

Okay, so someone spotted Updyke pulling in, recognized him immediately and clocked him before he could even get out of his car.  Fishy, but let’s play along.

Updyke told police that he hadn’t seen his assailants.  A police captain on the scene said Updyke “Has not really been too cooperative.”

The girl working the register said that she saw nothing out of the ordinary.  She has a clear view of the pumps, but noticed nothing odd.  “It’s been a regular day except for all the reporters.  He never came in here and said anything to me about it.  He never came in the store.  The only way I know about it is news folks (who showed up to ask questions).”

Ah, but here’s what Updyke’s attorney told Finebaum: “He woke up on the ground.  He had been hit in the head with something.  He wandered into the gas station in pain, and they directed him to a local emergency room.”

Not according to the girl working at the store with a full view of the parking lot, he didn’t.

Updyke did go to a nearby hospital and was treated for a four-inch cut over his right eye and a one-inch scratch between the eyes.  Police said, “the extent of his injuries does not equate to an assault charge.”

Jay G. Tate of The Montgomery Advertiser has an excellent wrap of the story — with photos of the gas station — right here.  He also points out that Updyke might benefit from a change of venue in his criminal case.

Updyke might also become a more sympathetic figure if he were attacked.  As his lawyer suggested on Finebaum’s show, it’s one thing to allegedly attack a tree, but to attack a human being is so much worse.

Perhaps Updyke really did get clocked without anyone spying it.  But there are an awful lot of holes in the story.  And surely I’m not the only person who thinks he might have crushed a beer can into his forehead and placed a phony call to police.

Either way, this episode just brings more spotlight — and more shame — on the Iron Bowl rivalry.  A rivalry that is now better known nationally for allegations of cheating, an attack on trees (!), and fringe-element fans who seem to think football is a pretty reason to truly hate their fellow man.

1.  Nick Saban is using “never again” signs around the Alabama football facility to keep memories of last year’s Iron Bowl collapse in players’ minds.

2.  Trent Richardson is ready to emerge from Mark Ingram’s shadow.

3.  Cornerback Jonathan “Young Buck” Rose — who enrolled early at Auburn — is still adjusting to the college game.

4.  Quarterbacks Clint Moseley and Barrett Trotter will be on “a bigger stage than we’ve been on all spring” during Saturday’s spring game.

5.  Bobby Petrino is putting a new spin on Arkansas’ decision not to play Arkansas State.

6.  Hog receiver Quina Funderburk says he’s still on the football team, but his high school coach says he’s hanging up his cleats.

7.  Trent Johnson says LSU needs a perimeter player… so it was a tough blow when a juco prospect chose Nebraska yesterday.

8.  Mississippi quarterback Randall Mackey continues to fight through his speech problem.

9.  Linebacker DT Shackleford injured his knee during practice yesterday… and now the Rebels are left to wait for MRI results.  (That would be a big, big loss for UM.)

10.  MSU’s backup quarterbacks are ready to push Chris Relf.

11.  Former Bulldog hoopster Ravern Johnson put on “as one-dimensional a performance as a player can have” at a pre-draft NBA camp last week.